A small test of faith

We never know how good our faith is until it is tested. I think of Abraham being tested by the sacrifice of Isaac, of CS Lewis being tested by the death of his wife. When it comes to that, I haven't really been tested yet. But there are little rehearsals along the way. When we suffer a loss, even a minor one, how do we react? Do we react in anger? Do we turn to God? Do we say, "Why me?"

I just had an accident; my car was totaled, it wasn't my fault, but insurance will take months to process, and knowing how they avoid payment on policies, I don't have high hopes for the future on that count. We have to get along without a car for the foreseeable future. How we will obtain groceries (walking with what I, the man of the family, can carry in two hands, how our aging in-laws will get to their dacha, how we will get to church, what we will do if we have a medical emergency...

It is here that I have to ask myself, where is my faith? Do I really rely on God? Or do I really rely on myself? Can I let go and leave things in God's hands when something happens outside of my control?

Not that I doubt my faith intellectually. But I do see at times like this how small my faith is.